“What are you going to do for New Years?”
Finally the minang part is over and I can continue my life. Oh my god just a simple meminang and there was so much DRAMA I am genuinely concerned about the wedding because in a span of one and a half weeks there was a near war so what is going to happen over the course of the next year? But let me start this tale from the beginning –
The mat and I have zero knowledge about the Malay process of marriage and it turns out there is more than just tunang (engagement) and kahwin (marriage). Our agreement back in November was simple: we don’t intend to tunang because we don’t see the need for it so we going straight for the home run.
Obviously life will not be that simple I don’t know why I thought it was going to be that easy??
My mother kept asking me when he was going to chope me. “How can you all discuss the ring and the location when we haven’t met his side? Bila nak minang?”
So I the sotong went to ask him that, and the blind was leading the blind because his response was “Huh why need to minang? We talking about where to hold the wedding still need to chope you??”
The next day he confirmed that yes, he will have to send a minang party down. And he explained to me the difference between merisik and meminang and tunang – all of which we thought we could skip but I guess not since all our parents 100% disagreed. Meminang it was.
Meminang also meant getting a ring which led to me sitting in a jewellery store squinting at solitaires, with a bored mat on my left and a future MIL on my right, trying my best to remember the crash course on choosing diamonds that my manager gave me the week before. Less than a week later, the mat asked if the minang party could come down on the 1st. My mother, delighted that finally there was some sense in this relationship, agreed immediately. Since there were going to be 6 people on his side, my mother decided to invite my uncle, my aunty and my nenek.
All hell broke loose.
My nenek the dictator did what she has been doing all her life – dictate. No, we were not going to sit on chairs because we are MALAY and MALAY PEOPLE SIT ON THE FLOOR. No, we were not going to just serve them snacks even though it was tea time because we are MALAY so there is going to be proper food. It came to a point where my mother had a big argument with her two days before the 1st and by then I was done with this minang business. I just wanted it over and done with because every dinner conversation was about what my nenek wanted. It was exhausting. I was on leave for half of the week and it was exhausting that was how ridiculous it was.
So finally the 1st came and the meminang party came and no one was killed (just some shade) so alhamdulillah I consider it a success…
…except for the damn photos.
U HAD ONE JOB
TREAT YOSELF: If you are doing a big event when you tunang just pay for the damn photographer. If you are doing a small one like me and you don’t have anyone in the family who is good at taking photos idk try to ask a friend who you know who does (of course offer to pay or give something quality in return don’t be a cheapskate) because telling my brother to do it led to photos that were blurry/had 50% tikar/had derp faces. He might call it ‘natural’, I readily disagree. Alternatively, you will have to instruct the person on how to take good photos (and frankly when you are the one who is being choped you have no time for this)
So one chapter is done – he has followed the words of Beyonce, everyone is still alive and there are no enemies. We are very much aware that this is only the tip of the iceberg and there is going to be a lot more challenges over the next year but you gotta do what u gotta do, u know?
No seriously how do some people marry more than once this shit would deter me from marrying altogether if I didn’t have a mat I was stupidly in love with smh